The Pain

Its so hard to deal with the emotions i am having right now,
i don't know how to feel. 
i feel sad.
i feel happy.
i feel angry.
i feel all over the place.
without you i feel different.
i almost feel lost.
its so hard to think about how i don't ever get to see you.
its hard to think you live so far away.
i wish this was easy.
i wish i didn't fall so hard for you, and we were just friends.
being in love with someone who live approximately 3,000 miles away is a lot harder than i thought.
you made me feel like I've never felt before.
when i was down you were there to pick me right back up.
when i was happy you made me even happier.
you made me laugh when i wanted to cry.
you just made me the best me i could be.
without you here beside me it is really hard.
i'm here, and you're there.
far..... really really far.
the pain it kills me each and everyday.
my love for  you continues to grow.
i'm going to break soon..i'm trying so hard just to see you as my friend, but i cant.
i can't forget the night we met.
it feels like just yesterday...
its been a year since i met you, and each day we are apart feels empty.
you make it hard for me to love any other person when i'm still in love with you.
we kind of lost touch..
well for you mostly.
i try so hard to keep us friends, and talk and do all the things we used to do before you stopped caring.
i told you that i was in love with you...
i shouldn't have done that.
i made that mistake..
the more i think about it the more i regret it.
i'm sorry.
i can't change my feelings for you.
i wish it was easy yet again... its not.
i don't think you have any idea how hard this is for me .
it makes me want to cry..
everything that happens that reminds me of you..
i just don't know if i should smile or cry..
the pain.. its killing me slowly.
i want you here right beside me...
right now..
i just want to see you 
hear your voice, and your laugh, your smile.
everything about you is everything i could ever want.
i'm sorry i can't change and i'm just me..
you make me feel like i've never felt before.
beautiful. 
the pain.
that word kills me.
beautiful something i'm not, but you made me feel..
thank you.
for everything you do for me.
you may not know it, but you're my world.
you're always on my mind at some point at least.
please forgive me.
i just want your hugs.
i need them actually.
please come visit me or ill come to you.
i just need the pain to go away.
i need something to remember you by.
other than the memories which will soon fade.
i'm in pain.
i need you to save me.
you have that power.
i love you.
i can't help it.
sorry..
ill just let the pain continue to bury me alive.
....The Pain....

I'm Sorry

I know i haven't written in such a long time, but i think i can get back to it now. 

I've missed writing. i think about doing it all the time but i  never get to it.

So today i leave for key club this will be my third one. 

I am really excited and i honestly can't wait to be there and have an amazing time like usual.

I love meeting new people, and this is definitely an event where i get the chance too. 

well i'm in class first period ICT and I've got to finish this excel worksheet so that all i really have to say.

the cruise.

Over April vacation i went on a cruise to Bermuda.

i went on this cruise with some of the students in my schools chorus group. 

we went on this cruise to compete.

we  were one of the many singing groups that had preformed over the year.

we had also seen a band preform who were from Canada.

we all did amazing.

we had been rated on a scale of basically terrible to flawless.

we got rated flawless and they got rated one under us.

overall it was a lot of fun. 

i got really close with a lot of people from my chorus on the cruise, and i met some new people too.

out of all the new people i met i kept in touch with this one guy.

i'll refer to him as ko.

so ko and i had met when we took a selfie together.

he just came up to me and said alright i need to take a selfie with this girl.

honestly made my night.

he is soooooo cute.

we had started to talk after we took the picture 

we had gotten along very well.

it was abnormal because i usually have a hard time talking to guys.

he was really easy to talk to. 

i felt like i could have told him everything about myself and he wouldn't have cared.

so i was sad that i had met him on the last night of the trip.

 i wish we had gotten to know eachother before that night

overall i'm just glad i got to meet him.

ko is now one of the most important people to me.

although i dont get to see him i do still talk to him.

we are really good friends and im so happy.

he makes me smile.

he always knows how to make me feel better. 

i love him so much.

little does he know a little to much.

 i just want to see him and have one of his hugs.

i wish i could be closer to him

i wish it was easier for us to be closer.

he lives in canada and i live in new england.

i wish he felt the same.

words can't describe my feelings for him.

they are so crazy.

he doesnt even know how i really feel.

what better way to tell someone than in a blog.

so ko....

i really...really... like you.. a lot.

you're super handsome.

nice.

funny.

adorable.

loving.

accepting.

your personality is amazing.

sweet.

and so much more.

ko...

i love you.

soooooooooooo 

much.

to be honest without your help i wouldn't always be smiling.

i know it hasn't been long since we met, and i'm not gorgeous or anything close to it ,but you mean a lot to me.

so thank you for everything you do for me. 

you may not think its a lot, but it is.

i'm being 100% serious.

i love everything about you.

your'e perfect.

i know this is probably weird 

and creepy, but oh well.

of you don't want to talk to me again i understand.

but overall please know you're an amazing guy and friend.

you're the best. 

i love you ko...... 

A LOT ♥

Darling don't cha know...

Darling is what you'll always be.
 you really meant the world to me.
 i won't forget the good times we had.
the memories are cherished.
the sad ones the most.
i wanted you.
more each day.
it started in second grade.
the way i feel.
will never change.
my love for you will always stay.

Dreams

so i haven't written in a long time, so i figured i should write something now. lately i have been having dreams. the dreams have involved the same person. more specifically the same guy. now i really like this guy a lot....but  he already has a girlfriend. i don't think he would want to date me anyways. this guy is really cute, funny, and nice. he is really a lot more than just that. he can always put a smile on my face with the littlest things. i wish i could be with him because he really is an amazing guy. i think we would be really happy together. anyways i was trying to figure out if these dreams meant something. like maybe hes been thinking about me or I'm just actually starting to like him and I've been thinking about him. well that's all i wanted to write about kinda pointless actually. oh well I'll do better next time. 

sincerely, 

Gabriana Walter

hey everyone i know i haven't written in a long time so i figured i'd write now :) so the title is this guy i really really likes codename ahah. Besides the point iu want to let everyone know if you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on i am most certainly always here. i love helping everyone out it makes me feel a lot better.its something i want to do in the future so im always here <3
love,
Gabriana Walter

Hacked

You have been hacked by your best friend who wants to tell you that Drew is a such a jerk and anyone who hurts you is too. We are going to virginia tomorrow with my dad and I love you so much <33333