The Pain

Its so hard to deal with the emotions i am having right now,
i don't know how to feel. 
i feel sad.
i feel happy.
i feel angry.
i feel all over the place.
without you i feel different.
i almost feel lost.
its so hard to think about how i don't ever get to see you.
its hard to think you live so far away.
i wish this was easy.
i wish i didn't fall so hard for you, and we were just friends.
being in love with someone who live approximately 3,000 miles away is a lot harder than i thought.
you made me feel like I've never felt before.
when i was down you were there to pick me right back up.
when i was happy you made me even happier.
you made me laugh when i wanted to cry.
you just made me the best me i could be.
without you here beside me it is really hard.
i'm here, and you're there.
far..... really really far.
the pain it kills me each and everyday.
my love for  you continues to grow.
i'm going to break soon..i'm trying so hard just to see you as my friend, but i cant.
i can't forget the night we met.
it feels like just yesterday...
its been a year since i met you, and each day we are apart feels empty.
you make it hard for me to love any other person when i'm still in love with you.
we kind of lost touch..
well for you mostly.
i try so hard to keep us friends, and talk and do all the things we used to do before you stopped caring.
i told you that i was in love with you...
i shouldn't have done that.
i made that mistake..
the more i think about it the more i regret it.
i'm sorry.
i can't change my feelings for you.
i wish it was easy yet again... its not.
i don't think you have any idea how hard this is for me .
it makes me want to cry..
everything that happens that reminds me of you..
i just don't know if i should smile or cry..
the pain.. its killing me slowly.
i want you here right beside me...
right now..
i just want to see you 
hear your voice, and your laugh, your smile.
everything about you is everything i could ever want.
i'm sorry i can't change and i'm just me..
you make me feel like i've never felt before.
beautiful. 
the pain.
that word kills me.
beautiful something i'm not, but you made me feel..
thank you.
for everything you do for me.
you may not know it, but you're my world.
you're always on my mind at some point at least.
please forgive me.
i just want your hugs.
i need them actually.
please come visit me or ill come to you.
i just need the pain to go away.
i need something to remember you by.
other than the memories which will soon fade.
i'm in pain.
i need you to save me.
you have that power.
i love you.
i can't help it.
sorry..
ill just let the pain continue to bury me alive.
....The Pain....